I just realized I haven’t posted a decent photo of me in months, so here I am. Recently I’ve felt bad about myself physically. I know I shouldn’t and I’m not fishing for compliments, but working in an environment where I am right now, you can’t help but feel mediocre compared to the skinny legs and flat stomachs I see everyday.

I’m not going to lie, I want that. I wanna be so thin that even a size S is bigger than me, but then I start to think, would that make me happy? Do I wanna be thin because I want to be healthy, or just so I could parade in front of everyone and not feel left out? My mind has been arguing with itself for quite a while now and I can’t come up with a decent answer to that question.

All I really know now is I wanna be happy with myself. And I’m thinking that maybe after I post this blog, I’d be able to admit things more easily and not be embarrassed of my own thoughts.

I can do this.

I met my college friends the other day (and I would’ve posted a photo of that instead of this one but they haven’t posted yet) and I was really surprised that some of them thought I looked good now (Look at the photo above and you’ll understand what I mean).

Seriously, I’m not sure if they told me that because they just missed me or what, but I really did appreciate it. I am happy now. Sometimes I can’t even believe that I’m this happy despite everything that I’ve been through since the start of this year. It’s true, what they say, time really heals all wounds.

I can’t really explain it without being overly dramatic or conceited but all I can say is I feel lighter, like I am not burdened by anything at all. Sure, some days I feel like crap and I drown myself in self-pity, but most of the time I feel optimistic. I remember the past but I no longer dwell in it like I used to. 

Okay, I’ll be honest. Maybe the reason why I am ‘blooming’ is because I am in love again.

I am in love with my work, my friends, my family and most of all, I am head over heels in love with myself.

And I realize now as I am writing this, loving myself is one of the best things that I have ever decided to do.